Author Archives: all4godls

Jesus Makes Me Feel So Full

When I was pregnant with each of my children I would go to Adoration of The Blessed Sacrament and marvel at how when I praised God my infant would move around in my womb. As soon as I stopped, the baby within me would stop as well. At first, I couldn’t believe what I knew was happening, so I tested it out a few times. I would begin to worship, and my baby would start to move in my womb. I would stop and my baby would stop. I knew that baby was praising God right along with me. I should not have been surprised, after all didn’t St John the Baptist jump in his mother’s womb upon Mary approaching with Jesus in her womb (Luke 1:39).

When my youngest Isabelle was around 4, I picked her up from preschool one day and took her to adoration with me. I explained how she needed to sit still and be quiet, since other people would be praying. She surprised me by how quiet she became when we entered the church. After we left, I asked her how she felt, and she responded “Jesus makes me feel so full” I think this little girl with the sweet dimples put it more eloquently than any adult I have heard explain it. The fullness she experienced was the fullness that only comes when you open your heart to God. 

When we spend time in the intimate presence of God we are changed. It’s like when we go to the beach, while just lying there we are changed. We come home and everyone can see the visible glow of how the sun touched us. When we spend time in the presence of the “Son” we may think nothing has happened but there is a glow in our spirit that we walk away with. “All the angels in heaven gaze with ecstasy at the image made on your soul after each holy hour you make in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament; (excerpts from Letters to a Brother Priest.)

For those of you not familiar with Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament; let me explain. The Catholic church believes that Jesus is fully present in the Eucharist; Body, Blood Soul and Divinity. At exposition a blessed host is placed into a monstrance (a beautiful vessel to display Him) The faithful come and sit in silence and sometimes with meditation music and spend time with Jesus. Our Lord asked the disciples to watch and pray with Him for an hour, so many faithful will do a full “holy hour.” The whole point is that we spend time with the physical presence of Christ. (http://www.stmaryanacortes.org/portals/stmaryanacortes/CMAdmin/Benefits_of_Holy_Hour.pdf)

Let us learn from the example of Mary. As soon as she is filled with the Holy Spirit and conceived Jesus, the first thing she does is go and visit Elizabeth. She doesn’t keep this joy and wonder to herself; she takes it and shares it with someone. When we spend time with Jesus, we become so filled with Him that our first response to His love should be how can I share what I have received? When I walk out of adoration, I take His beautiful presence with me and am called to share it with others.

I challenge everyone this busy Advent season to find some time to be quiet with our Lord. Sit in silence with Him and let Him whisper to your heart. In the end you will walk away like my daughter feeling full, not of the weariness of the season but of the peace of Christ.

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The Garden of My Mind

There are crows in the garden of my mind.

They come daily with their chatter to disrupt my peace

They tried to steal the thoughts of grace that grow so often there

They bring garbage from other gardens and make a mess of my best intentions

They sow discord throughout my mind and weeds grow to disturb me

I asked a friend what he did to get rid of those crows and he showed me what was standing in the center of his field.

Oh no it’s not a scarecrow as you might assume, but what stands in its place is the cross of Christ.

So, when those crows seek to disrupt the garden of your thoughts lift your gaze to Christ crucified and see them fly away.

My Mother’s Knees

When I was growing up, I thought there was nothing uglier than my mother’s knees.  She was beautiful as a whole.  I always thought she was the prettiest face in our church.  But her knees, well that was another story.  Let me try to describe them.  First, they were flat. Yes flat! Missing that natural curve that most humans take for granted.  Then, well imagine the most chafed elbows in the world and you get the picture.  I would wonder how someone so beautiful had such ugly knees.  After she died, I realized how incredibly beautiful her knees were.  Not in a nostalgic sort of way, missing what you don’t have, but in realizing the why.  

My mom as you have probably read in my other posts was a great woman.  She raised 9 kids and countless cousins, neighbors and people she would just take in.  She raised us all to know and love God.  More importantly she taught us of God’s love by being love.  Yes, I was a really blessed kid, and I don’t think I realized it.  Everyone growing up thinks their lives are the same as everyone else’s. As I grew up, I began to realize that everyone gravitated to my mom.  Even my teenage cousins who wanted nothing to do with their parents could always be found hanging out in the kitchen with her.  She was love in action.

Let’s get back to those knees.  In my childish assumptions I had no way to guess that only something worn down from constant use could become so flat and chaffed.  Her knees had become that way from kneeling in constant prayer.  Those knees were a badge of honor, if only I had known it.   It was that constant prayer time that gave her the strength to raise all us kids.  It was her consistent time with God that gave her the hope to know that we would be all ok in the end.  No matter the crazy things that my siblings and I did she would always be at peace.  A peace that came from knowing that in the end God is in all things and when we say “Thy will be done” we can trust that His will is in our benefit.

I can imagine the hours of prayer that caused flat knees.  I know for certain that her prayers saved me from a lot of grief in my life. I know that my quick whispered prayers given only here and there were not the reason my life turned out as it did.  My mom prayed for all of us and God answered and is still answering.  

In her last months she could no longer kneel.  She would lay in the hospital bed we had set up in a spare bedroom and you guessed it – pray!  Her rosary was her constant companion.  I asked her once if she was praying for her healing.  She replied that she had enough people praying for that, she was praying for us.  Yes, I am the most loved of daughters.  After her passing I got to see her bible.  This lovingly worn testament of faith had prayers or names written onto the edges of many pages.  Each prayer or name was tagged to a biblical promise.  I know that Jesus listened to each one of those prayers and they were answered in her lifetime or after.

Oh, if I could only be like my mom!  Trusting everything to God’s loving mercy.  Being peaceful in the storm and joyful regardless of the circumstances. The 3 pillars of Lent are prayer, fasting and almsgiving.  Over what’s left of the next 40 days let’s strive to become prayer warriors.  Knowing that God listens, and He answers.  Being patient in the waiting and rejoicing always in His faithfulness.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.- Philippians 4:6

The Gift of Salvation

Years ago, when my youngest, Isabelle was about 5 we were sitting around the dinner table speaking about what we would be giving up for lent.  As we went around the table, each one of us would select a Lenten penitence.  Suddenly Isabelle says, “I don’t get it.” When I asked her what she didn’t get, she replied “lent”.  So, we gave her an explanation (as much as you can give to a 5-year-old). She still had a blank look on her face and said “yeah I don’t get it” we spoke to her again of Jesus going into the desert for 40 days and how we joined Jesus in this mission.  She still had the blank look… before going on- being the good and very patient mom that I am :D, I asked her what don’t you get?  She replied “lent– what did we borrow? “

After the giggling and shaking of our heads, we replied, nothing lent, just given….

A few years later I unboxed that story and looked at it in a different way.  I contemplated how fortunate we are that our salvation is not something borrowed- or on temporary loan to us.  Our salvation is a gift freely given.

Ephesians 2 4- 10 says:

But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

We are given Salvation as a gift.  I started to contemplate this.  I thought of all the great and not so great gifts I have been given throughout my lifetime.  I thought of how I have treated all those gifts.  Some with reverence and others I could honestly not tell you that I know where they are now.  The more precious the gift, the more I needed to treat it with kid gloves, putting it away and bringing it out on special occasions, not wanting to have it damaged in any way.  My most treasured gift is a ring my mother left me when she passed on to be with Our Lord.  It is a beautiful ring, and I only use it on special occasions, each time I bring it out, it makes me feel close to her.  Is this how I experience my gift of salvation as well?

Am I the Christian who comes to Mass and then returns my relationship with Christ to the shelf until next time we meet again?  Returning to my gift as I need it or when I have time?  Or, at times am I overwhelmed by this gift and feel unworthy of it? I know that when my father gave me the ring, I handed it back, I felt so unworthy, surely, she meant one of my other sisters to have such a treasure. The words “Your mother wanted you to have this”, brought tears to my eyes.  How could that be?  My sisters were all closer to her.  This ring reminds me constantly that Our Father in heaven doesn’t give us according to our merit but according to His limitless love and mercy.   I think many of us struggle with feeling worthy of salvation, so instead of basking in the love of the Father, we shy away.  I know it took me some time to even wear my mom’s ring.  I thought it was too much and I didn’t feel worthy of having received it.   I hope we don’t do the same with the gift of salvation our heavenly Father has lavished on us.  It’s not about being worthy, it’s about being loved.

I think that our relationship with Christ must become an everyday gift, not the one that comes out occasionally.    When I wear my mother’s ring, I get to share her memories with everyone I meet- same with my gift of salvation.  Let’s share that with everyone.

Years ago, there used to be a show on PBS-The Antiques Roadshow.  I remember a gentleman who had a hat from one of the Conquistadores.  It was all metal and beautifully engraved.  All the antiques dealers came to his station to look at this precious item.  The appraiser was asked to verify its authenticity and price.  He went on about this object’s history.  When asked about the price – he looked at the hats owner and asked him a question.  Why is the hat so shiny?  The gentleman sheepishly bowed his head and said it was extremely dirty and I was embarrassed to bring it here in that condition, so I spent hours polishing it.  The price went from over 300,000 to about 10,000 – you see in polishing it up he took away the patina. 

We should not be shy about our gift of salvation; it should make us stand out, for it draws others to Him. Sometimes the best compliment I can receive is not “have you lost weight?”; but “are you a Christian?”  We need to be well worn Christians.  Full of the patina of Christ.  In today’s society we are often timid in showing our Christian patina.   Being frail enough to say that amid my joy or sorrows I turn to Christ.  Our frailty is what brings us closer to Jesus since this is where we need Him most.  This is also where we draw others to Jesus.   Because it is in the worn patches of our lives that God’s love and salvation shine through.  When I can testify of His love at the darkest moments of my life others can be strengthened.  This gift of salvation comes to us when and where we need it.  Let us humble ourselves before the throne of mercy, implore God for it and realize that we are all in need of saving.  Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  So, when you find yourself shying away from this very lavish gift remember that Jesus earned it for us while we were still in sin.  It is not something that we can earn, rather it is something God gives freely and all we need to do is say thank you and treasure it.  

As we get ready to enter this Lenten season with Jesus, let us focus on this treasure purchased at so high a price.  Let us honor it by daily giving thanks and becoming well-worn Christians letting God’s light shine through.  May this Lent bring us all closer to the heart of Jesus.

It all starts on Christmas

This Christmas I want to share with you something that happened to me.  You may begin to read this and think it’s better suited for Lent, but stay with me.  About 10 years ago I was in a bad car accident.  I had so many internal injuries i felt my middle name was pain.  I remember clinging so much to Jesus to get through it all.  A few weeks after a spinal surgery I was at a weekday Mass.  I remember sitting there and as always offering this Mass for the salvation of my children.  I can imagine many parents pray for the same thing.  I could hear this small voice inside of me saying “what will you give in exchange for their salvation?”  I was in shock!   We make deals with Jesus – usually over a toilet bowl after drinking too much- or another crisis moment.  We promise anything to get whatever we are praying for.  I had never heard of God making a deal with me- I will trade you something for what you want.  I questioned Him “Lord is this really you?” and again the voice- “what will you give for their salvation?”   Jesus I would give anything I thought- truly anything to ensure my little ones were kept close to the heart of Jesus.  The voice again questioned “would you give your leg?”  I was double shocked… this could not be Jesus speaking to me.  He DOES NOT make deals!  

I pondered that question.  I was already in so much pain.  Really how could God want more than the suffering I was already offering up?  In the end I grudgingly responded, “ok take my leg, but don’t ask me which one- that would be just too much for me.”  Then silence.  I continued through Mass and was reflecting on all that had happened in just a space of a moment.  I could not believe that God was asking this of me. I thought back to all the bible stories I knew and could not think of one where God made a deal with man.  In the contrary man was quite often making deals with God.  I remembered how Abraham had haggled with God for the lives of those in Sodom, going back a few times to renegotiate the terms until he got the number from 50 to 10.

At the end of Mass, I heard the voice again.  “Come and contemplate me on the altar.”  The weekday Masses were given at the little chapel behind the main altar.  Of course, at His summons, I rise and walk to the main altar not knowing where this is going.  This is what I see:

I focused on the crucifix and hear the voice again “ I don’t need your leg;  I want their salvation more than you do.”  All I could see was Jesus on that cross given up for each one of us.  This is how much God is invested in our salvation.  He had given not a leg or sent His word that had created everything out of nothing, He was willing to give His only begotten son.  

Why is this better suited for Christmas?  Well, it’s a gift that God gave me and I want to share with you.  To all you parents out there worried about your children.  God wants their salvation more than you do!  These words gave me so much hope and peace.  I just knew that all the stupid mistakes I made could not undo God’s plan for me.  The same with my children.  As I watch them grow and explore life, not always making the choices I would, I pray and know that God has a plan for them as well.  To all of you that do not have children, drink in the love of the Father sent in this message.  “I want it more than you do!”  We may struggle and go off course but if we place our trust in God, we can be confident in knowing that He wants our salvation more than we can imagine.  Continue to come back to Him with the confidence of a beloved child.  You will always be loved.

One last thing; I am the youngest of nine(my mom was a living saint!)  There was always chaos and an abundance of love in our home.  One day in frustration I asked her as I saw my older siblings falling for the lures of the world; “mom, you are such a godly woman, and have raised us in the church, don’t you get frustrated that your children are falling away from the church?”  Her response stays with me till this day.  “My job is to plant the seeds; it is up to God when He will harvest them.  I have planted good seeds.”  That had to be at least 35 years ago and as I look at our family now, I see that God is harvesting these good seeds planted with love.  So, continue to plant good seeds, and know that in His time God will harvest them in your children.

Merry Christmas. I pray that this testimony touches you and that the hope of Christ is reborn in you this Christmas!

10 Amazing Experiences You Need To Have In New York! | Times square new  york, Nyc times square, New york travel

When I was a teenager and got my first job, I went SHOPPING!  At any point you could go through my closet and see labels that were common to most teenagers of that time; Jordache, Levi’s, Lacoste and Nike.  But if you took time to peruse my abundance of clothing you would also find a few treasured pieces that had no labels.  They were made by my mom.  I remember looking through magazines and pointing to a top and saying can you please make me that.  We would go pick out the fabric and I would have a custom piece in no time.  Those were always my favorite pieces. A few years ago, I went to NYC to see a play and remember stopping somewhere in Time Square and just gazing at all the lights.  There were so many names in lights!  The bigger the company the bigger the lights.  I felt as if everywhere I went, someone wanted to catch my attention and visually shout – Sony, Samsung, Disney… I thought to myself of how we walked around surrounding ourselves with names and logos.  This building shouts I belong to… another shouts I belong to…  I remembered my mother’s beautiful creations and how they did not have a tag with a fancy name.  The best things usually do not have fancy labels or need to shout.  I kept thinking to myself that I also have an invisible tag with a beautiful name. 

Made with love by God.

How would our lives be different if we acknowledged that each of us carries this invisible tag?  The other day I was speaking to my Confirmation students about how we can sometimes physically see and feel the presence of God.  A big one for me was when each of my kids were born.  I was so blown away and humbled to know that I helped create this tiny person.  I thought of how much I loved them and how much joy I felt at just holding them and knowing them. Then I heard that small voice inside my heart say- “that’s how I felt when I created you.”  I got choked up just thinking that God also felt love, pride, and immense joy when He created me.

How could my life be different if I remembered daily that I was MADE WITH LOVE BY GOD?  Would I doubt myself at every turn? Would I be impatient with my weakness?  Would it be easier for me to always trust Him? How would I treat others if I could see their label; MADE WITH LOVE BY GOD? Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta was known to bow before a person upon greeting them.  When asked why she did this – her simple answer was; I do not bow to the person but to God I know is in each one of us.  I acknowledge the dignity of each person.  She always saw the invisible label.  

During this busy Advent Season I pray that we can refocus our hearts and remember that we are MADE WITH LOVE BY GOD.

On Purpose

Hi guys! This month I was invited to be a guest writer on another devotional blog. I wanted to make sure that I shared it with you as well!

Thank you Stephanie from 500 Seconds to Joy for the invite. Please visit her site here: Podcast : https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/500-seconds-to-joy-mom-life-encouragement/id1481909779
Instagram : www.Instagram.com/500secondstojoypodcast

The View from The Cross

When I was a young girl my older brother told me a joke- I will preface it by saying upfront that it is a little sacrilegious- but once you get past it, there is a point I promise.

When Jesus was on the cross, He called out to Peter who was hiding somewhere in Jerusalem licking his wounds.  Upon hearing his Lord he got up and ran towards the cross. Jesus called out “Peter, Peter.” Peter gets over many obstacles and people as he ran and dodged, finally making it to the foot of the cross.  An out of breath Peter says “yes Jesus, I’m here” to which Jesus replies “I can see your house from here.”

As the years went by I would think of this joke but in a different way- I would always wonder- What DID Jesus see from the cross?  Then, the question would always be what can I learn from how Jesus endured the cross?

When like Peter I am hiding out licking my wounds I try to learn from the cross.  The first lesson I learned was that Jesus looked out.  He did not focus on Himself and the pain He was in.  My doctor taught me once, to busy my mind on other things and it would lessen the intensity of my pain. When I focus on my pain, that is all I can see and somehow it feels worse.  Jesus looked outside of Himself and focused on the pain of others.  While I am not questioning the excruciating pain He was in; I am only noting what a great lesson He has shared with me for when I am in pain.  This applies to all pain, be it physical, mental, or emotional.

By looking out and being other focused, think of all that Jesus accomplished on the cross.  Yes, our salvation; but only a God can multitask at the most crucial of times.  The bible documents 7 different things Jesus says on the cross.  Keep in mind that every word is a struggle.

1 “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do”-  He teaches us that even when we are wrongfully accused, even when we are in pain, we can still call out to God and instead of righteously accusing our oppressors we can look at them with mercy, see their deficiencies, have compassion and ask God to forgive them.

2 ”Today you will be with Me in paradise” – He takes time to save someone else.  Someone who is lesser than He.  How many times while I am in a pickle and am stressed out, do I overlook another person; simply because I am self-focused.  I say righteously to myself- I have my own problems.  My mom used to tell me “there is always time to say a kind word” What Jesus says to the thief gave him peace at the end of his life.

3 “Woman behold thy son! Behold thy mother!”  In ancient Jewish culture a woman relied on her husband and children to care for her in her old age.  Mary being a widow is losing her only son.  During His suffering Jesus sees to the welfare of His mother placing her in the care of the beloved disciple.  Many scholars say that we are that beloved disciple.  Some of us have so many balls that we are juggling at the same time, that we find it difficult to reach out to another and see to their welfare.  Here Jesus teaches us that we are to not just take care of ourselves but concern ourselves with those entrusted to us.  

4. “My God, My God why has thou forsaken me?”  This is the first line of Psalm 22 Jesus is responding to the naysayers and priests who know the Psalms by heart.  If you read the Psalm in its entirety you will see that it speaks to the death of Jesus, and His vindication.  He looked at all those who were putting Him down and reminded them that God was with Him.  We should remember to do this as well.  My favorite is the last verse of the Psalm which reads: “Posterity will serve Him; future generations will be told about the Lord.  They will proclaim His righteousness to a people yet unborn- for He has done it.”  When we are looking out from the cross remember to hold onto hope. Remind all those naysayers around you that God has not forgotten you and that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.

5. “I thirst” Jesus admits to a human need.  We know He was not thirsting for water; He was thirsting for more souls to be saved.  The fact is, He who is all and can do all admits to a need.  Here Jesus shows us its ok to ask.  We bless others and help their journey to heaven when we let them come and be of service to us.

6. “It is finished.”  You are not meant to carry your cross forever.  Even Jesus knew when it was time to let the cross go and move on.  Sometimes our pain is all we have and who we have become.  We can be afraid to move off the cross and face a new tomorrow.  Jesus calls us to not linger in your pain but turn and face the glory of resurrection.

7. “Father into your hands I commend my spirit.”  What a great lesson and Jesus leaves it for last.  Place yourself and your pain in the loving hands of God the father.  He will care for you. 

When every breath counts, and every word is a labor of love you make sure that each word counts. 

Last, I would like to highlight what Jesus chooses to focus on.  The site of the crucifixion was full of people mocking Him, people taunting Him, people crying for Him and others pressuring Him for a miracle.  Jesus looks out and focuses not the ugliness of Golgotha, not the ugliness of the sins of all mankind, Jesus looks out and with love focuses on you and me.  

Jesus teaches us that love wins overall.  Let us take these lessons learned looking out from the cross and like Jesus, when we are in pain and inclined to look within, let’s look out.

How’s the view?

Glow in the dark

Years ago, my husband and I went to lead a retreat in Canada.  We had driven what felt like all day and night and after more delays than we could count, finally made it to the house of the family that was hosting us about 11 that night.  We were exhausted and were looking forward to a good night’s sleep because the retreat started bright and early the next morning.  When I shut the lights out in the room, I saw something and just re-energized me.  I immediately turned the light back on and shut it off again.  I went on to do it again, and again, but after the third or fourth time, my husband asked me what was wrong.  I was in shock that he had to ask- I mean couldn’t he see it?  It was so clear to me.  The ceiling was covered with tons of glow in the dark planet and star stickers.  Every time I shut the lights; the whole ceiling would light up.  When I turned on the lights the stickers while still visible did not stand out.

My husband thought I had lost my mind and asked me to just turn off the lights and stop playing around.  However as most of you know when the Holy Spirit makes a revelation you just feel so alive.  Once Jose realized that I was not just going to go to sleep- he asked me what the big deal was.  “We are like those stickers”, I said (at this point Jose thought I had really lost it :D).  We are like those glow in the dark stickers I insisted.  We go before the presence of God and absorb His light.  We are not called to shine in His presence, His light is enough- we are called to absorb.  But when you place a Christian in the dark, when the world surrounds us with sin and stress we are called to glow.  That is when we shine the light of God.  

Matthew 5 14-16 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

I have thought of this story many times over the last 20 years and always remind myself that I am called to glow in the dark.  I also think often of the magi.  They traveled over 9000 miles following a star.  One light was able to get a few people and their entourage to travel over 9000 miles, through deserts, mountains, rain, heat and many obstacles.  This one light was able to get these men to give up all they knew and travel for over 2 ½ years (thank you google).  I believe that it was the fact that the star was steady, consistent, always there that warranted the commitment of these men.  What would have happened if one night the star just failed to shine?  What would happen if it shined only when it felt like it?  I believe the Magi would have returned home.  

We are like the star that the magi followed leading them to Christ.  We too must shine in the darkness and lead others to Christ.  It is in times of darkness and despair that a true Christian shines.  Everytime you shine God’s light- you lead someone to God.  I imagine that when we get to heaven, we will have a great many people who will come to us and thank us for allowing our light to shine and lead them to Christ.  I know that we will be surprised at some of the people – not even realizing that you had an impact in their lives.   Let us be consistent in filling ourselves with the light of Christ and be bold in sharing it.  After all, the light is not meant to be hidden but proudly displayed so that all who see it can be drawn to the Father.

When Jesus said, “you are the light of the world” He meant it.   This light is meant to shine consistently regardless of what is happening around us.  I truly believe that now more than any other time in history we need to shine bright.  May the grace of God bless and keep you.

All the Prettiest Flowers

My favorite flowers have always been peonies.  These bushy, big headed, rose scented flowers are just so beautiful to behold. I have a few bushes planted in my front yard and every May when they bloom they bring with them an abundance of joy.  The only problem I have with them is that I always have to remember to stake them.  As they are growing they stand up nice and tall, but when they bloom, their heads are so large that the whole plant instantly falls over and I end up having these gorgeous flowers drooping over my driveway.  The years I am organized and remember to stake them, the blooms stand tall when they open.  Inevitably a few may droop as a reminder to me how important each stake is.

Recently in prayer I was complaining to Jesus about a certain cross I have been carrying for quite a while now.  His answer to me was “All the prettiest flowers in my garden are held up by crosses” I instantly remembered my beautiful peonies and how they relied on the stake they were tied to in order to stand tall.  I imagined a field of them held up with crosses, no drooping heads to be seen. 

I remembered what Jesus told His disciples in the gospel of Matthew about carrying their cross.  16 24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

I started to inspect my cross more closely.  I realized that I had gained so many graces through this one cross.  Because of this cross, my prayer life had become deeper.  “Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (jn 6:68).  I also realized that I had grown in patience, endurance and humility.  Looking deeper I realized that this cross was what had led me back to Christ.  While I had never really left, my relationship was nowhere near what I experience now.  I spent hours contemplating the wonders of this cross.  My husband and children had also benefited from the cross since they grew in compassion and many other virtues.

Someone once told me that I would one day thank Jesus for my cross and I had ducked my head, looked the other way and said “not today.”  The thought of thanking Him for all this physical pain, frustration and emotional hurt was foreign to me.  After reflecting on the cross and all I had received from it, I realized that I had begun to embrace it without noticing and because of it I was able to stand firm in my faith, enveloped by love and was being transformed into a new creation.  I realized that in my darkest moments the cross had not been crushing me but instead was the reason I stood. Unbelievable to me at the beginning of my journey; I now embrace my cross and thank God daily for it, for with this cross comes an abundance of grace. Another gift that came with this cross was being able to join Jesus in His saving work, by offering up all my sufferings for the conversion of sinners.  My suffering has value (so does yours)- Bishop Fulton Sheen used to be heard saying as he walked down hospital hallways – “so much wasted suffering.”

I always compare God to a parent, and often can understand His perfect love through my imperfect love.  I thought of my children and when they are having a bad day or are going through a certain trial- how I try to be more present to them, more comforting, and do all that I can, without enabling them, to help them to get through this tough time.   I can imagine my loving Father in heaven doing just the same.  Standing back knowing how much stronger I would be when I overcame this trial, offering me love and support.  I believe God has poured out more grace during this time than at any other time in my life.  “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” 2 Cor 12:9

I implore you today as you read this to reassess your cross(es).  How have they brought you closer to God?  How have they changed you?  Have they increased your mercy towards others because you now understand what suffering they are enduring?  Has this cross brought people into your life you never imagined would?  Has this cross allowed you to be a blessing in another person’s life? How has this cross helped you to stand firmer in your faith journey?  I will end by repeating what Jesus told me All the prettiest flowers in my garden are held up by crosses.  Let those words sink into your soul today and bring you closer to our loving God.